An entire excruciating month had passed since that horrible night and I was still as miserable as ever. Instead of getting easier, everyday seemed to get worse. All I could do was think about Honey. If she was ok. Was she as sad as I was? So many questions were running through my mind. You see all those movies about heart ache, but it never rings true until you experience it yourself. I was broken and the only way I felt I could fix myself was to see Honey again. Even if it would be for the last time. I had to.
After everyone was asleep, I snuck out the back door(I learned well from the master) and amazingly I got the car out of the drive way without getting caught. It was almost 1 am when I pulled up to the side of a small blue house, jumped out and headed across the street. Standing before Honey’s house only made me feel more determined.
There was a balcony just off the side of her room. The ledge was pretty high up, but that was not about to stop me. I slid the garbage can over and carefully got on top of it, the can was just high enough to let me grab on to the edge and get myself up. I was not the strongest kid, so getting up was a challenge, but finally I made it to the top and hopped over the edging. So far so good.
I tapped on the window and at first nothing happened. I tapped again just a tiny bit harder. Suddenly like a green wave, her emerald eyes came into view. Instead of happiness though, there was almost a look of fear on her face. This caused me to realize what I had actually done. Oh man, I just drove an hour to climb up someones balcony. Omb I’m a stalker! Well it was little to late to worry about that now, I was already there. I placed my hand on the glass and lipped the words. “Hi Honey.”
She hopped off the bed, threw on a robe and then I watched as she disappeared from sight. Great she is probably calling the cops. I thought to myself. Luckily I was wrong and soon she was out on the landing in front of me.
“What are you doing here?! She questioned in such a sweet and hushed tone, it almost sounded like a lullaby.
“I’m sorry, I just had to see you…Honey I miss you.”
“You need to go! Now! Don’t you get it? I am tryi-“
She hadn’t even finished her sentence, when she collapsed into he arms. I wrapped my arms around her small shoulders and let her cry. I stroked her hair trying to calm her, but soon I too could feel the tears welling up.
“It’s ok Honey.”
“I hate this! Why is it so hard?!”
“I don’t know.”
“You were right. Life without love is meaningless. I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s not fair!”
“One time when I was little, I was playing hide and seek, and I ran into my parents room and jumped in the closet to hide. No one found me, and soon my mother came in and sat on her bed. I could see her through the slats in the door, she was crying and holding a photo of another man… Why would she make me do this, when she knows how it feels! Oh Pineapple.”
With that we started to cry all over again.
I lead her over to the small love seat on the patio and pulled her into my arms.
“Honey. I don’t want to live without you. Lets run away.”
*Sigh* “I know. Just wishful thinking on my part.”
“Stay with me for a little while?”
We talked for almost two hours before her eyes started to droop. It was obvious she was exhausted. I motioned for her to lay down but she shook her head.
“No. If I fall asleep, I know you won’t be here when I wake.”
“I wish I could stay forever, but the sun will be up and soon and I have to go.”
“I’ll just rest my eyes for a moment.”
Almost the moment her head hit my lap, she was asleep. I watched her sleep for a little while, she looked so happy. I knew this was how I wanted to remember her sweet face. After a little while, I carefully scooped her into my arms and took her to her room.
I laid her on the bed, and she made a small sigh. I wanted nothing more than to curl up behind her and stay with her until she woke up, but I knew that would never happen. If someone were to find me in there, I was toast.
She was right, this wasn’t fair. I felt glued to the bed. I knew full well when I left, I would never see her again. Before I knew it, the sun started to rise and I had no choice. I kissed her one last time and carefully left the same way I had gotten in.
“Tigra and I were gonna go out to dinner, why don’t you come with us?”
“Dude you have been in this room for like six months now.”
“Thats not true. I go to school.”
“You know what I mean… Don’t you think its time to start getting over this?”
Butterscotch was almost right, it had been 7 months, 2 weeks and 4 days. Maybe it was time to start moving on, but I certainly was not going to start by going with him and his unforbidden girlfriend, so I could watch them make out at a restaurant all night. No thanks.
I guess I should have been happy for them, they had met the same night as Honey and I, but unlike us, they hit it off right away. It almost angered me, how jealous I was. It was twin bro, my best friend, but the fact remained all I wanted to do was scream at him and her to get out of my room.
“Just go without me.”
There was only one thing in this world I had to live for anymore and that was the second love of my life.
I adored my little sister. I started spending less time in my room and more time with her. She was just about the sweetest little thing I had ever seen.
Before too long we were pretty much inseparable. If I was in the house, she wanted to be near me, if not up in my arms. Can’t say that I minded, she was so much fun. Even when she was fussy, I was happy to be around her. She also made me realize, how much I too wanted children of my own one day.
But even with that sweet face looking up at me, couldn’t wash away the memory of Honey. I couldn’t see myself having children with anyone else. Suddenly my train of thought was broken by a loud conversation downstairs.
Sunny had been out all night again, and had just gotten in the door, and he looked, well…different.
“Sunglow Chiffon what in Berry’s name have you done to yourself?!”
“Its my new do. Razzy did it for me.”
“I sure hope that is not permanent. I want you to go upstairs and wash it out now!”
“As a matter of fact it is permanent and I am not going anywhere. So why don’t you shut your mouth you fat cow!”
Oh man, I couldn’t believe he just said that. The whole family was looking at each others mouths agape. Instantly dad stepped in.
“How dare you talk to your mother like that! Under this roof we do not act so disrespectful! You apologize this instant!”
I had seen my father angry before, but nothing like this.
“I’m not apologizing to anyone! I hate it here! I don’t want to live under your stupid roof! I’m almost 18! Berry this…I’m out of here.”
Sunny stormed off to his room, packed up his back pack and out the front door he went with a slam. My eyes were as big as saucers.
“Did that really just happen?”
“Not now Pineapple!”
The horribly ugly things my idiotic brother had spewed cut through our mother like a knife, she was devastated. I could hear her crying in her room and I knew Symphony was also in there. I decided to take her downstairs so she did not have to watch her mother is such a saddened state. She was already visibly shaken up by the time I got to her.
“Shh its ok. Mommy will be ok.”
The situation was so bad, we had to call in the big guns. Auntie Rose was over within 20 minutes and they were in there for a good two hours.
“Why would he say such horrible things to me Rose? I thought I was a good mother.”
“Oh Saff, I am sure he did not really mean it. He is just a teenager, they say and do stupid stuff all the time. Maybe this is for the best. Maybe getting out on his own is just what he needs.”
“Wait a few years he will normalize, you watch.”
“I sure hope so.”
“For now you just worry about yourself and your other beautiful children, who love you very much. Ok?”
Soon Auntie Rose had worked her magic and mom was in high spirits again, laughing and being her happy self…At least someone in the house was happy. I secretly wished she could have done the same for me.