3 minutes. That is all it takes to know if you are pregnant or if you are not. 3 long, painful minutes. Seeing I had done this same song and dance a couple dozen times, the wait seemed even longer. This had to be it. This time the little plus sign would appear and all this trying would finally bring along something other than me being depressed.
“So whats the verdict? Am I going to be an Auntie?”
“Still a minute to go.”
The final minute finally ticked on and the minus sign suddenly appeared. Negative. Again.
Frustrated beyond belief I chucked the test in the trash. I thought trying to get pregnant would be easier. My whole family never seemed to have any troubles. I think all my ancestors had big families. 4 or more! Sometimes more than one at a time. Then there was me. Couldn’t even conceive one.
I slowly emerged from the bathroom. I swear doom and gloom was new persona. I swear I was happy. Sometimes…
“Awww sis don’t be sad. It will happen. It will!”
“I’m not so sure Em. Maybe. Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I’m broken.”
“No way! I’m sure…well *ahem* maybe its time to go to the doctors. I bet they will know whats wrong and how it can be fixed.”
“I have faith in the great Berry above, you will make me an Auntie. Or else, I will just have to go steal one. And we don’t want that.”
“Heh. No. We don’t”
Going to the doctor. I knew if I couldn’t get pregnant naturally, it would be the inevitable next step. But going to the doctor also made it final. If something was wrong, I was about to find out. The doctor may tell me that I will never have children, or maybe I was sick. So many worries and insecurities swirled around the idea. As much as it scared, me I knew I had to. If I ever wanted a baby, I had to get over these silly little fears and just go.
Before I made the appointment I made sure to call Cello. I knew he wouldn’t mind that I had decided to go, but It always made me feel better after talking to him.
“So I think I am going to make that appointment with the doctors.”
“Still no go huh?”
“What ever we need to do, you know I am ready. Its just…this week I am so slammed down here, I wouldn’t be able to make it to the appointment with you.”
“It’s Ok. I will be fine.”
“Are you sure? I mean I could try to work something out. Why don’t you let me know once you get the day and time and I will see what I can do.”
“Really love. I will take care of it. Promise.”
“Ok. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
After we got off the phone, I went downstairs to make the appointment. Sitting on the phone for hours on end when I tried to make my regular check up appointment, I had learned online access was about 50 times easier and faster! You even got pushed up sometimes because everything was so instant. Which just happened to be the case this time. They had a cancellation for that later that day, so I took it.
Doctors offices are so cold and uninviting. Its almost like they make them that way to make you more nervous and freaked out. I looked around the room nervously. Just go in and get this over and done with and then you will know, one way or another you will know. I pep talked to myself as I drummed my fingers on my jeans.
“Right this way please.”
After doing a whole slew of tests, I waited patiently for the doctors return. I think I spent a good 3 hours in there total. Not a fun way to spend a nice afternoon that’s for sure. Especially in an awkward medical gown. Unfortunately depending on some of the results, there was a possibility of a few more tests, so I was unable to just get dressed again.
Finally though she came back.
“So what is it Doc? Something easy to fix, or am I doomed forever?”
I tried my best to make light of situation, but in all actuality I was terrified.
“I’m afraid it doesn’t look promising Mrs. Chiffon. It would seem that your egg count is almost non existent.”
I felt my heart drop.
“In fact the chances of you conceiving naturally are almost slim to none.”
I didn’t know what to say. From very early on I knew I wanted a family. Even with all the fears and worries that had run through my mind before the appointment, I still wasn’t prepared to hear it.
“There are a couple of fertility treatments we can try, but your chances are still quite small, and the procedure itself is quite costly. Now there is always adoption. Adoptive parents live just as full and happy lives as natural parents.”
I started to shake my head. “No. No adoption. I can’t. I am an heiress. It has to be mine. I…want to do the procedure.”
“Are you quite sure. Like I said its a very expensive.”
“I don’t care. Money is not an issue.”
“Very well. I will get a hold of the specialist and see when can start.”
“I just want my baby.” I yelped.
“I know Mrs. Chiffon, and we are going to do everything in our power to see that it happens.”
“Shhhh sweetheart it’s OK.”
“I just want to have a baby with the man I love! Is that so much to ask! Why! Why is life so hard! Did I secretly do something to deserve all of this heartache?!”
“Life is unpredictable sometimes. That’s just the way life is.”
“I think life must enjoy seeing me in pain. Its been my theme song since high school.” I cried into his shoulder.
“Well I bet if we do this procedure, you will be pregnant in no time.”
“Its so expensive. If it fails the first time, its over. There is no way we can try again. That scares me Cello. My luck in the past has never been stellar so why is it gonna change now?”
“I dunno love, but we need to keep that positive energy out there if we want to have even a glimmer of chance for it to work.”
*Sniff* “You’re right.” I put on a smile, the first real smile in weeks. “It will work.”
“See that’s the spirit! Heck I can hear the doctors already. ‘Congratulations Mrs. Chiffon! It was a success!’ “
But it didn’t work. My heart crumbled into a tiny million pieces as I stared back at that test. The minus seemed even larger than usual taunting me with its presence. It was official, Olivine Bloom would never have a baby of her own.