By the time we arrived back at home, it was nearly nightfall. Yet somehow I managed to beat Disco home regardless. It had been a long day for Affair, and his restlessness, was getting worse by the second. I gave him a quick bath and put him straight to bed. He didn’t even put up a fight. Poor little guy was tuckered out.
“Sleep well sweetheart.”
Oh how a little soul could touch so deeply. I held onto his hand for several seconds before letting go. A kiss on the cheek, and he was already drifting off to dreamland. I waited till I was sure he was asleep and then headed back to the bathroom for a bath of my own.
I soaked for a good 30 minutes. Trying to release the negative thoughts again, but they seemed to be getting worse. Especially when it came to Affair. Would he understand why mommy and daddy weren’t married? Would he ever forgive me, if Disco left? I didn’t know, but it wasn’t going to change the way I felt. I just had to accept the fact, that I was not ready, and forcing myself with guilt to try and make a decision wasn’t, going to help either.
I was already in bed by the time Disco had finished with his shower, and was ready for bed. Instead of heading to his side like he normally did, he walked over to mine.
He practiacally crawled into my lap, carefully hovering over me and my book. I did my best to teasingly ignore him, but it is hard to ignore an adorable guy sitting across your legs.
“How was the shower?”
“It was nice. How was yours?”
“Great. Lots of baby talk?”
“You know it.”
“Care to have a little more?”
That one threw off my aloofness. I closed my book and set it on the bedside table. “You want to talk about babies?”
Faster than I had time to react, Disco had jumped over me and pulled me into his arms. I could feel my body shiver with excitement.
“Sure. Why not? It’s not like we can’t afford another mouth to feed, and we already have one. Whats one more?”
“Maybe it will be a girl this time.”
My mind flashed to Kiwi and Laurel, and for a brief second, a little girl did not sound all that inviting…
but in no time at all, he had swayed me.
It wasn’t long before baby #2 was on its way. I was much more excited this time around. Since I had gone through all if it before, everything seemed so much easier. I managed to again, survive the early months without a hint of morning sickness. No idea how I got so lucky, but my advice, don’t look a gift berry in the mouth.
Once a family starts to grow, there are certain activities you want to get involved in, that you may not have even considered before. Take for instance family photos. From the time we discovered that were indeed expecting our second bundle of joy, I was compelled to get family photos taken of the three of us. Disco and I weren’t technically married, but there was no denying that we were a family. I ran the idea by Disco and he was all for it.
I came across a new studio town that specialized in children’s photography. Frosting Photography had settled into the old spa/gym downtown. Their prices were decent, and they had an unbelievabley great grand opening deal. I made an appointment immediately.
The appointment was for Staurday morning, so when Saturday arrived, I packed up Affair, and Disco and I headed out. I had wanted to dress Affair in something a bit more formal, but he didn’t want to. We tried for twenty minutes or so to get him into his suit, before I finally gave in. He wants to wear his t shirt and jeans. So be it.
To our surprise the studio was almost empty when we arrived. Must have been tough getting things going, because Mr. Frosting was more than pleased to see us. He ushered us immediately to one of the back rooms. “I think the lavender room will be best for you three.”
I was instructed to take Affair to the little bucking llama at the far end of the room. His single photos were first. He wanted nothing to do with the llama or anyone else in the room, and as soon as his little bottom hit the saddle, his face dropped into a frown. I stepped back, hoping that after a few shots he would warm up to the idea.
He did not.
Sensing the growing frustration from all parties, I carefully lifted Affair off of the llama so we would have a little heart to heart.
“You know it would be so great if we could get you to smile.”
“Don’t want to.”
“What about for Mommy and Daddy.”
I was going to have to a different tactic. “What about for your little sister or brother. I bet they would love to see your beautiful smile when they get to see these photos one day. What do you say? Big brother?”
That was all I needed to say, from then on out, he was all smiles. Those beautiful bright blue eyes shining.
Pregnancy for me seemed to really hinge on the whole nesting thing, but not just the babies room. No my need to remodel and fix, stretched all over the house. My first victim, was the art room upstairs. The peach yellow purple was just too drab. After a little convincing, I managed to talk Dad into letting me fix it up. Which meant, I picked what I wanted and Dad and Disco did all the work.
I spent almost all of my free time in that room, so I wanted it be nice and pretty. The color scheme was much more pleasing to my eye, and since it was mostly mom and me in the room. I was the only one enjoying it.
No amount of joy prepared me for what was about to happen. I was painting as usual, when a small pain hit my stomach. At first it was such a small jab, I thought it was just a slice of the last nights pizza, but then it started to get worse and worse, but it wasn’t like a contraction. It was much more painful.
Worse and worse, until I doubled over from the pain, dropping my knees. I clutched my belly and screamed. “Disco! I need you!?” I tried to use my breathing technique to lessen the agony, but I could hardly breathe, let alone breathe deep. “Disco!!” I screamed again. Everything was starting to spin. The world was fading out, I knew it wouldn’t be long before I passed out completely. The last thing I remembered was hitting the floor with a thud, and then everything went black.
“LIL?! Granite call an ambulance!!!!”
When I woke, I found myself in a hospital bed. The pain, oh the pain was still there. Disco’s sweet face was looking down at me. I had never seen him so terrified in all my life. “Disco? AHHHHHHH!” I screeched.
“Don’t talk love. It’s OK. We just got here. They are trying to find your Doctor. Just relax.
“I know love. Just try and take it easy.”
I could see the tears sitting at the rim of his eyes. I was terrified. The pain ripped through me again, harder than it ever had before. I screamed again at the pain.
“If you can they wan’t you stay on your back.”
I couldn’t. It was like I had no control over my body. I rolled over onto my side and gripped my belly tighter. “Why does it hurt so bad!? Am I going to lose…
“Try to roll on your back baby. They said-”
“I can’t!!!!! Oh Berry please make it stop!” I screamed again. Fear and Pain had full and complete control over me.
“Can we get a doctor in here?!?!?!? PLEASSE?!!?!”
“Nurse we need a gurney in here stat!”
“Lil. Please just hang on. Don’t go to sleep. Don’t go to sleep.”
The pain was causing me to fall in and out of consciousness. All I could hear was Disco sobbing and a distant sound of wheels on linoleum.
“If I make it – unnnnh – I want to get married.”
“Don’t talk like that, of course you are going to make it.”
“Promise — me, we will ahhhhhh – get married.”
“I love you Disco. I’mmah so…. sorry.”
“I love you Lil. Lil? Lil?!”