ATTENTION: If you have not read Dream A little Dream. I recommend that you do. Its going to help this chapter make a lot more sense. 🙂
Five children. Not only five children. Two toddlers and two infants and one child. Saying we had our hands full would have been the understatement of the century. I knew I wanted five children, but wanting and having are two totally different things! Five children is not for the weak of heart let me tell ya.
Just like with the twins and Sunny, we put all four in the same room. Its amazing how small a room can get once it has four cribs in it.
Mika and Koda are two of the most joyous babies I have ever known. Unfortunately though Koda very early on started exhibiting some very very odd behavior. He will be in his crib just sleeping away, when all of a sudden he just starts laughing. Like there is something really funny up there on the ceiling. At first I thought it was the mobile above his crib, but after my suspicions started to grow, I removed the mobile and he continued to laugh. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, no one wants to think their child is not right in the head. I vowed from that point to keep an eye on him. If things got worse, then maybe we would have to have him checked out.
If it were not for the dirty diapers, you would have never known that little Mika was around. He was such a good natured baby. He really made my life a lot easier. Just pop on some music and he was a happy camper. I only hoped his good nature would stick around into his toddler years.
Lets not forget about our other boys though! Pineapple was just getting more handsome by the day. He looked so much like Glaze it was shocking. In a good way though. Already walking and talking, he was a blast to hang out with. Glaze and Pineapple became extremely close. How could your heart not melt, when you get home from work and the first thing you here. “Daddeeeee Home!”
Butterscotch was slowly but surely catching up with Pineapple development wise. He was talking and almost had the walking thing down. Pretty soon he would be venturing away from the safety of the couch. This made me slightly nervous, because well lets face it the poor boy was a clutz in the making. We got rid of all furniture that had any sort of sharp edges…just in case.
Every once in a blue moon, we would get lucky and all four boys would be down for a nap at the same time. When this miracle from Berry happened, we would take full advantage. Getting some alone time and thoroughly enjoying each others company. Not to mention a grown up conversation here and there.
Slightly disgusted by the affection that Glaze and I shared with each other (nothing inappropriate mind you) Sunny chose to watch TV in the guest house. He always wanted to watch some of the weirdest shows. If he could have, he would have spent his entire childhood watching TV. I desperately tried to get him to go out side, but he wanted little to do with anything, that was not found on a 34′ screen.
That being said, I almost fell off my chair when Glaze told me that Sunny wanted a bike.
“A bike? Like an outside kind of bike?”
“Yup, he said that he would even try to get a paper route if we got him one.”
“Wow I am so impressed.”
“Well what did you tell him?”
“I told him we will see.”
“Hmmm, if we can get that boy active, we have to do it. After the boys birthday, lets go get him one.”
“Alright, but if his behavior starts to go south, the deal is off.”
Yup you heard right, before long our youngest boys were ready to celebrate their birthdays. It sounds cliche, but it seemed like only yesterday, I was cuddling them in my arms and preparing to bring them home from the hospital. After three big parties though, I was totally partied out. I decided another big party was not on my list, and that we would keep this one much smaller. Little Mika got to go first…I was excited and so was he!! He was giggling and gurgling the whole time we were blowing out his candles.
What a little angel! Just the opposite of Sunny. I was pretty sure he would be the good son, and not in the creepy Muscacholi Coconut kind of way! Though I never would have dreamed of uttering those words out loud!
Then little Koda and I made our way to the cake. Slightly nervous and happy at the same time, we blew out those candles.
Such a cute little guy! One of his birthday presents was that tiger outfit, and it was so dang adorable I had to put it on him immediately! Mom and dad had sent it from Shang Stir Fry. They had actually sent two, one for each, but Mika did not seem to like his. After trying for about 5 minutes to try and get him in the darn thing, I gave up.
With four toddlers now running and crawling around the house, I really had little time for anything else, but it was not until we were having our reading time, that I noticed how incredibly messy the house was. I probably had not vacuumed in months. The thought of us sitting on the dirty carpet started to eat at me more and more.
So the next time one of those Berry miracles happened, i used it to clean clean clean! I started in the kitchen and as quickly as I could I moved all through the house cleaning up. It did not take nearly as long as I had imagined it would. Before I knew it, I was working my way to our upstairs bathroom, the last stop on the clean train.
I even went as far as to organize our basement. I don’t think I had been down there since I was kid. It was dark and creepy and even for a brave kid like me, it freaked me out. After I had organized, I brought a few of our own various unused items and placed them neatly to one corner.
I was heading back up to the surface, just about to switch off the light, when something caught my eye. I am sure it had always been there, but seeing I had not been down there in about fifteen years or more, it was new to me. I dropped my hand from the pull string on the over head light and made my way to the back of the small room. I had to move a few items out of the way to even get to it, but once it was in full view, I saw the pink and white trunk pressed all the way against the wall. It had a small engraving on the top. CLC was almost not visible due to all the dust. CLC…it must have belonged to Great Grandma Chantilly Lace. I opened it and inside I found a very nice paint set. It was so exquisite. The brushes all looked brand new. I wondered if mom would allow me to use them. Next to the brushes was a small book. I lifted the book out of the chest and closed the lid.
I took a seat on one of the old bar stools and opened it up. As I suspected it was Great Gramma’s journal. The book opened rather oddly due to a small unopened envelope tucked into the pages. I gently picked up the envelope to examine it further. It had been lying face down, so there would have been no other way to read the recipient. I turned it over and there neatly written on the front was “Cherry Blossom”. I placed the envelope in my lap so I could read the corresponding entry…
My dear friend. I write to you today with some very important developments. Since there is no one else I can talk to about this. I turn to you. It was a normal day, or as normal as it could be after that fateful day. Bubbie had left for work, the children were at school. Cherry Blossom had just gone down for a nap, so I seized the opportunity to paint. I was doing fairly well of keeping my mind occupied, when i heard the doorbell.
I can tell you I was more than a little surprised to see Merlot on the other side. I felt a huge lump in my throat starting to grow. I swallowed it back down and unlocked the door. Mustering the most indifferent (fake) voice I could and then I greeted him.
“Hey Lace. I know I am not supposed to be here, but I really need to speak to you. Could I come in for a second?”
Again I put on the charade. “Yes. But make it quick. Bubbie will be home soon, and we don’t want a repeat of last time. Do we?”
Against my better judgment, I let him inside. He followed me to the living room, where firstly I went to take a seat, but then thinking perhaps that would not be the best idea, I stood back up.
“I came here because…well Lace. I owe you an apology. I really made a mess of things for you and your family and I feel awful about it.”
At this point I was failing miserably at hiding what I was feeling. I felt so angry and upset and missing my friend all at the same time. “You know it was my choice too.”
“I know…I just feel like…if it was not for me it would have probably never happened.”
I started to say something, but he was not finished.
“This is probably the biggest mistake I have ever made, and trust me I have had my fair share. And its not the mistake you are thinking. We made a beautiful little girl, and for that I will never regret. No my mistake was hurting you. Lace you are an amazing woman, a wonderful friend, and I really do care about you, and then I let stupid Lo get in the way of all that. So I came here to tell you. I think you deserve that much, and I will help with Cherry Blossom anyway that I can. If she ever wants to see me one day. I will be here in a heartbeat.”
His words started to break as he spoke, and as they did I could feel my heart ache. There was no way around it. I loved him, but I love Bubbie too. This was a mess… Nothing like you see in movies or read in books. You meet “the one”, you settle down and you are together forever. Right? Well this was certainly not a fairy tale. I knew it was not meant to be. He and Fairy were the ones with the amazing fairy tale life (just look at how they got together) and then I enter the scene and blow it all to pieces. You can see now why I can only talk about this with you… yes?
Again I was just about to speak, when there was a cry from the girls room.
“That would be Cherry. Excuse me a moment.” I rushed to her crib and took her into my arms. Quickly I returned to the living room, where finally the words returned to my mouth.
“I owe you an apology as well. Its very sweet of you to try to take this all on yourself, but like I said before, it was just as much my fault as yours. I knew better. I guess we both did.” Ugggh I was starting to ramble. I cut myself off before I got way off track. “What I am trying to say is, I appreciate your apology. I only hope you will accept mine.”
He nodded, and then turned his attention to Cherry. “May I?”
“Of course.” He placed his arms out and I carefully handed her over.
At first she was a little unsure. “Its OK sweety. Thats your daddy.”
That was all I needed to say. Cherry buried her tiny head into his shoulder, just like she did with Bubbie and I. He was so good with her. Watching them together and knowing he would be missing out on most of her life, was breaking my heart all over again.
“You be a good girl for mommy. OK? I love you.” With those final words he kissed her forehead and handed her back to me. “I— uh*ahem* I should probably be going.”
“Yes you are probably right.”
I took Cherry back to her room and then I escorted him to the door.
“Oh I almost forgot.” He said as he stopped to pull an envelope from his back pocket. He tapped it a couple times on his palm and then handed it to me.
“What is this?” I asked as I examined the small envelope.
“You were not the only one I came here to apologize to. Please make sure that she gets that one day?”
“Ok I will.” I felt one tear drop fall, and I quickly wiped it away hoping he would not see, but he did.
“Oh Lace.” He stepped back in the door and pulled me into a hug… our last hug, we held on to eachother for several moments, and then I opened the door. “Goodbye.”
With that I watched him walk out to his car and out of Cherry’s and my life forever. I closed the door and fell against it, sliding all the way down to the cold hardwood floor, I couldn’t fight the tears any more. What an absolute disaster. So that is why I came to you my friend. I desperately needed someone to talk to, and you are always so welcome to listen, and that is why it is also with you that I will leave Cherry Blossom’s letter. I know you will keep it safe until the time is right.
Thank you again,
Your ever grateful Lacey~
I closed the journal and once again picked up the envelope. Looking around the small cold room, first almost as if I was afraid someone was going to jump out of the corner and yell “Don’t open that!” I gingerly ripped open the envelope. I pulled the paper from inside and carefully read the century old apology. Once I had finished, I knew what I had to do. I waited for Glaze to get off work. Once he was home, I told him I needed to take care of something and that I would be back soon.
I kissed all the boys on the head and made my way to the car. I drove all the way across town to our family mausoleum. Originally we had Grandma and Grandpa buried in the back yard, but city officials were not to keen on that and we eventually had to move them.
I made my way to the very back corner where Grandma was resting. “Hi Grandma its me Saffron. I know you were probably expecting Pumpkin, but I have something here that belongs to you.” With that I opened the small envelope again and pulled the note from inside.
“To my dea- Choking on my own breath I was silenced before I even had a chance to start. Suddenly I was filled with such deep and strong emotions, that they did not even feel like they were mine. I exhaled deeply and began again.
“To my dear Cherry Blossom. If you are reading this, that means that your mother has finally deemed the timing just right. If I know her as well as I think I do, it is probably your wedding day. You are probably reading this in your gorgeous wedding gown looking as beautiful as ever, and hopefully I will be here to see you.
But If I am not, I want to take this time to tell you how sorry I am for the way things came to be. You are such a special girl, more so than you even realize. I knew who you were even before you ever came to be (Kind of a special talent I have), but even with my special talent, it was not until the moment I saw you sitting there in the kitchen floor, that I realized how you would come into my life.
I wish things had been different. I wish could have been there with you everyday. It breaks my heart to know I will be missing out on most of your life. I guess it is the punishment I deserve, but it does not make it any easier. I just want you to know that I am so sorry and I love you and your mother very much. You are going to have a very blessed life, I only wished I would get to be a part of it. Peche is a good guy. Treat him well and he will take care of you for the rest of your life. I better wrap this up, you have a good man waiting for you out there. I love you baby girl.
Your loving father
Once I had finished I closed the letter and placed it back into the envelope. I started to cry and amazingly it felt really good. All of those deep emotions were escaping through my tears, once I got it all out of my system. I felt so much better. I smiled as I placed the small envelope on her grave. “I think this should stay here with you.” I knew it would probably get blown away in the first storm, but it was hers and I felt its rightful place was with her.
I don’t know if she heard anything that I said that day, but I like to think that she did.
Writers note: I have had this idea for a while, I was just not sure who it would be. Seeing that Saffron kinda channels Merlot’s energy with the whole dream thing. There would be no one better. 🙂