Our first date was rather intimate. Matrix had invited me over for a movie date, but when I got there, I was greeted by a pair of strong arms, that immediately wrapped themselves around me. I was a bit shocked to say the least, but soon melted into his embrace. It was a passionate infusion that I could feel from the tip top of my head all the way down to my toes. I didn’t ask questions, I didn’t even hesitate. I had been secretly hoping something would happen, but never in my wildest dreams did I expect it so suddenly. A few brief moments and I was hooked.
Our second date was similar, only this time we went out to a movie. After leaving the theater, instead of going straight home, we headed out to the edge of town, parked his jeep for a little alone time. I had a hard time staying in control around him, it was a crazy desire unlike anything I had ever felt before. There was touching and and holding and kissing, and I was loving every second of it. A voice in the back of my head, kept trying to tell me it was all too fast, but for some reason I didn’t care in slightest. Everything outside those windows, were of no consequence to me.
It was something I had been deprived of feeling for far too long. The feelings of love, acceptance and longing. Someone wanted me and the best part, I wanted them in return. There was no fighting with parents over who was right or who was wrong. There was no fighting at all. Only kisses and cuddles and lots of them. Since I had gotten my drivers licence I had a little bit more freedom. I was able to visit anyone that I wanted as long as I let my parents knew where I was going. Though I may have left out a small tiny detail that Matrix’s mother worked the graveyard shift, which left us to our own devices until my curfew at 10pm.
I wasn’t always the driver, I just somehow had a bit more freedom, not a lot, but it felt like a whole lot more with the extracurricular activities we were getting into. After our movie date, Matrix dropped me off at the house, walked me to the door and kissed me goodnight. I couldn’t help but feel that things were finally going my way.
Everything I did just seemed more awesome. Even brushing my teeth, I had a little happy rhythm that I brushed to. Getting those teeth clean never felt so good. I started to wonder, was this what it felt like? Was I falling in love?
Before I had a chance to think about it further, my phone started its recently familiar alert. My heart began to pound, and I started to grin. A grin that grew when I saw Matrix’s name pop up on the screen.
“Had a great time tonight. Hope we can chat in the am. Love ya~ M.”
I quickly started to reply back. My fingers flying across the buttons.
“Can’t wait! Lol ♥”
Circumstances out of my control caused my chat with Matrix to happen a lot later in the the day. The sun had almost completely settled beyond the horizon before I ever had a chance to sit down. I gave frantic looks to the clock all day, but there are just some things you can’t get out of and they almost always involved my mother. She needed my help and since the boys weren’t interested in the finer things, like redecorating, it was up to the only other girl, with a care for interior design to help out. Grandma liked to help as well, but due to her lack of vision, it was more funny than helpful. “Oh my yes, that looks amazing! Perfection. Nope. It doesn’t need another thing.”
Finally, I was done. I raced to my room, after grabbing a snack. An apple… and the plopped down at my computer. Thankfully he was still there.
L@ce0fW1st:Oh wow! So sorry that took so long.
InTehMatrix: It’s alright cutie. Just got her not too long ago. Missed you.
L@ce0fW1st: Missed you too! Ughh my mom was being a beast today.
InTehMatrix: They do that. Hey so I have been thinking…
InTehMatrix: About us.
My heart started to race again. Everything little thing we did together, had that effect on me.
InTehMatrix: I think you and I really have something. Something special.
L@ce0fW1st: I think that too
InTehMatrix: Well I was thinking, maybe you and I could take our relationship further.
I looked around the room like I had to hide my screen from invisible eyes. Even though there was absolutely no one around. My cheeks were hot and pink. I stared at the blinking line on my screen. Did he mean what I think he meant. My fingers grazed the keys, but I pulled them back abruptly.
InTehMatrix: Are you still there?
L@ceofW1st: I’m here.
InTehMatrix: So what do you think?
L@ceofW1st: I’m not sure.
InTehMatrix: I want to be with you, and I think it would bring us closer together. I love being with you. You are amazing. I want to show you just how much.
Oh sweet berry. I wasn’t even religious I found myself saying those words. I was two seconds away from fanning myself. Whoa this was so hot, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. He and I had been together and it was amazing, but that… That was a huge step.
InTehMatrix: Just think about it beautiful. No rush. If you’re not ready, we don’t have to, I just know it will be amazing.
That made me smile. He was just so sweet and understanding. All the time we spent together was out of this world. A part of me wanted to say yes right there, but then there was that part of me, the part that had been ingrained into me from a very young age. Wait till marriage. That was the proper thing to do. But if you loved somebody, was it so wrong to give yourself fully to them?
I didn’t know. Maybe it was a good enough reason, but maybe it wasn’t. Something was holding me back, so there had to be more to it. The thought plagued me for days, and the worst thing about it, there was absolutely no one to talk to about my dilema. I knew I couldn’t bring it up to Cerese, she would say no immediately. And there was no one else I felt close enough to. Well there was my brother of course, but no way was I about to bring up my love life with him. Instead I wandered the house aimlessly, weighing my options. It was hard to concentrate on anything else. The mixture of excitement and nerves, had me on the edge of my proverbial seat, but I needed some insight. With no idea how to get it, I decided to hang around with my closest companions and hopefully absorb what I needed through osmosis. Sound stupid? I was 17! It sounded brilliant to me.
Considering we live right across the hall from one another, it would have been silly to start with anyone else but my brother. When I got to his room though, he was no where to be found. The next sound I heard was down in the kitchen, and somehow I knew it was him, and not Affair. A twin can sense those sort of things. I ran down the stairs and slowed my pace to a walk as I made it to the kitchen doorway. I didn’t want to look too desperate. Seance had just poured a bowl of cereal and was taking a seat at the bar. I swiftly slipped into the seat next to him.
“Hey bro! What’s up.”
Seance never looked up from his bowl. “Breakfast. You?”
“Nothing really. Just… wanted to hang out for a while.”
“… good cereal?”
“Ya. It’s the same cereal we always have. Are you alright? You seem…weird?”
“No. Just great here. Hey! How is Sandy? It’s been a while since we have seen her.”
“Oh she’s fine. Her and her Parents went on a three week vacation, so she is, you know, out. You sure there is nothing wrong?”
“I think I am gonna go now. You’re being weird. It’s kind of freakin me out.”
With that he picked up his bowl and took it to the sink. I hopped of the stool and went back to my room. “Alright! See you later.”
He just shook his head. “Alright. Maybe later you will tell me what’s the matter.”
Ughhh he knows me too well. Bad idea to start with him.
Cerese was next, of course. She had been pulling double duty with the fam so I had barely seen her over the summer break at all. I made sure however to get a call in at least once a week, so we had a chance to catch up. It was easy for her to get swamped in other things, so it was up to me to send out a little reminder that she was loved and also enforce how amazing she really was. It was definitely a number I knew by heart.
“Hi is Cerese. There?”
“No sorry she had to go pick up a few things. You can call her on mom’s cell phone though.”
“Oh okay. Thanks.”
Another number I knew by heart.
“Wisteria! My love!”
“Hehehe what are you doing?”
“Ughh it’s been the day from… well it’s been rough. I wish I could talk but I have like 100 more things to do before our paper route.”
“Oh, well no problem. I will call you later then.”
“I can’t wait! I miss you.”
“Miss you too.”
Man, my options were growing thin. Sandy was out of town, so that really left only two people. I thought about calling Viola, but she and I never really hung out together with out the group, so that only left Harmony.
“Hellooooooo this be the Harmony~!”
“Hey Harmony! It’s Wisteria.”
“OH!! Wist! Hey girl! How are you?”
“I’m good!” A white lie. “Hey I was wondering if you were up for some company for a little while?”
“OMB! Of course! Come on over!”
“Really? Great. I will be over in a few.”
“Sweet! We’’ll see you then!”
After getting the keys from mom, I had most of the afternoon to visit with Harmony. No one in town lived very far away, so getting to her house took all of 10 minutes. When she answered the door, she was still in her pajamas, slippers and all.
“Wisty!!! Come in! Come in! Tulip and I were about to watch a movie.”
I stopped right at the door jam. “Tulip Mint? Mindaro?”
“What’s she doing here?”
“Oh well you know, after we had that evil research project she and I have been hanging out a lot.”
Tulip Mint Mindaro was one of the most popular girls in school. She was known for causing unneeded drama where ever she went and this was someone I didn’t really want to get involved with, but by this point, turning around and saying,”no I have to go”, would have been way too obvious. She was known as new money. She hit her popularity when we made the switch to high school, it was like a total transformation from Jr. High. She was a nobody just like the rest of us back then. After opting out of choir and getting herself on the track team, her cool factor started to rise exponentially. Only to gain more in stature when she ditched the frames and braces, and started to tap into mommy and daddy’s funds to get her the most adorable clothes ever. Yup new money. Old money was that rare breed who had been popular for day one. Tulip definitely did not fall under this category, and from they looks of it, Harmony was now heading down the same path. Great…
Harmony took the far seat, which only left me with the middle. I flashed a smile to Tulip and took a seat.
“Oh hey Wisteria! How are you?”
I adjusted a bit on the cushion. “I’m fine. Yourself.”
“I’m good. We were just about to watch Sugar-less.”
“Oh.” I smiled. “I love that movie.”
“Right! Ah it’s soooo cute!”
Tulip picked up the remote and flipped on the movie. I thought it would be a chance to sit in awkward silence, but apparently that was not the way this movie was going to work. The moment it started to play, they started chattering even more than before.
What made it worse was I was in the middle, so they were both looking over me to talk. Every once in a while one would reach across to slap the others arm, while adding a “Shut up!“
Oh ya this was fun… I made it about half and I decided to take a little break. I stood from the couch and headed out of the living room. “Gonna grab some water. I will… be right back.”
“There are bottles in the fridge!” Harmony called after me.
I nodded and kept on walking.
My eyes scanned the shelves for the water bottles. Another high pitched laugh rang out, coming from the vicinity of the living and I seriously considered grabbing the already opened bottle of nectar on the third shelf. I knew better though, so when I finally caught sight of the six bottles of water on the bottom shelf, I nabbed one and closed the door. I almost jumped out of my skin when I came face to face with Requiem.
“Wah! Requiem! I didn’t see you there.”
“Sorry. Hey Wisteria can I ask you something.”
“It’s about Sandy.”
“I started twist the top of my water bottle but stopped at the sound of her name. “Oh no no. I’m not getting in the middle of this again.”
“No no! It’s not that, I just wanted to ask how she is doing. I haven’t seen her since we got out of school. I just wanted to make sure she was okay.”
My mind drifted off to the countless time she had been at my house, laughing and flirting with my brother. She was more than fine, she was probably better than she had been in a long time, but I could tell from the look on his face, that was definitely not what he was wanting to hear.
“You know she and her parents are on that vacation, so I haven’t seen her much. She seemed to be doing alright the last time I talked to her though.”
Requiem let out a deep sigh of relief. “Oh good, I have been worried she was still broken up after we split.”
It took everything I had to stifle the huge laugh sitting at the bottom of my belly. “No, I think she is managing. She is a strong girl.”
A voice rang out from the living room again. This time it was Harmony. “Wisty! We are going to my room! Meet you up there! Requiem! Stop harassing my friends! No she will not go out with you!”
Requiem’s eyes widened. “Dude! Sis! Just shut your hole please!”
I giggled. “I better go.”
“Alright! Tell Sandy I said hi!”
When I got up to Harmony’s room, Tulip had already made herself at home on the bottom bunk, Harmony was perched on the edge of the bed, and they were both still deep in what ever discussion they had started downstairs. Something about one of the girls at school and how ridiculous she looked in her knock off designer jeans. I wanted to raise my hand and asked to be excused to Requiems room. Even our awkward conversation over his ex was more interesting than this garbage. The chance to act on my part came too late, because the next topic of conversation was directed right at me.
“So Wisty. Do you have a boyfriend?”
I had no where to sit, so I just stood next to the bed. I looked at her for a moment. No she was actually talking to me. “I do.”
“Oh! Who is it?! Anyone I know?”
Harmony chimed in. “Ya. Who is this mystery boy?”
“I could feel a smile starting to spread across my face. “Matrix.”
“Harmony bounced on her bed. “Shut up! When did this happen!
“A few weeks ago.”
Tulip cocked her head to the side. “I thought he had a girlfriend.”
“They broke up,” I replied flatly.
“Oh that’s so weird. I never would have ever pictured you two together.”
“What that’s supposed to mean?”
“Oh well you know, he is like super popular and you, well you’re just Wisteria.”
I started to grind my teeth.
“I didn’t think you would be his type…”
I glared down at her. If only she knew, not only was I his type. He and I were this close to taking our relationship to a higher level. I couldn’t help but scowl, I knew if I didn’t get out of there quick I was about to do something I would regret. “I should probably get going.”
Harmony, unlike Tulip picked up on my abrupt departure. “Oh okay Wisty. Drive safe.”
“Ya.” I slammed the door behind me.
I started driving for home. How rude! Ughhh! Who did she think she was, and why wouldn’t I be his type? Was she referring to my weight? Was I not cool enough? What the berry did she mean! I was angry, and it was probably for all the wrong reasons, but I turned the car around anyways and drove out to Matrix’s house. I’’ll show them.
I practically jumped him at the door. A little too over enthusiastic but he definitely wasn’t complaining. “Hey baby. What are you doing here?”
“Came to see you.” I smiled kissing him again.
“Well come in.”
I grabbed his hand. “Matrix?”
“I have been thinking about our talk. And… I’m ready.”
A small smile grew across his lips, as he took my hands and led me inside.
His room was dark, full of an ambient sense of mystery. It seemed much different than the other times I had been there. I stood near the door and watched, as Matrix moved a few things in the room and cleared off his bed. I was nervous. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. Oh man this was really about to go down. Matrix looked to me as he settled down onto the bed, and then patted the comforter beside him. “It’s alright. I’m here to take care of you.”
His voice had taken on a smooth inviting tone. It really was helping to settled my nerves. I walked across his room and settled in beside him. He scooted closer, and took my hands in his. I looked down at our hands that were now resting comfortably in my lap. “I’ve never done this before.” I admitted, my voice coming out much softer than I anticipated.
“I know. You don’t have to worry. I’m here. It’s just you and me right now.”
I smiled and took in a deep breath. “Right. Just us.”
“You know I love you right?”
“Good. That’s all you need to know.”
“Now… come here.”
We left the world outside his door that sleepy afternoon. Wrapped in each others arms he taught me what it felt like to be loved, deeper than I had ever been loved before. Our passion caused my entire body to shutter under it’s pure weight. It may have not been the right choice, but it was mine, and I gave myself to him, in all of my entirety.
“I love you Matrix.”