After that fateful night. the next fateful day was excruciating to say the least. The hours till Ver was to return home, dragged by at a snails pace. It probably did not help that I spent every other minute or so looking at the clock, but what else could I do! In one night my world did a flip flop and everything I had once known was forever changed. First Ver cheated and thought that was bad enough, but then to find out Tiber could be so creepy was even more upsetting.
I felt so guilty it was almost painful, and I hadn’t even done anything wrong! I pushed off his advances the best of my ability, even though I didn’t want to. Oh Berry how I wanted him. The attraction I felt for that boy could not possibly be healthy. It was like a force I did not quite understand! Ah this was just so bad! I was with Ver! He loved me (I guess) and I unfortunately loved him too. Unfortunately… is that something you are ever supposed to say about a loved one…?
Time slowly passed and the time drew closer to Ver’s inevitable return. What was I gonna do? Should I tell him? Should I just let it go? No. There as no way I could let it go. My brush with Tiber had trudged up feelings that I had thought no longer existed. I had to tell him. It was only fair. Besides I was never good at keeping secrets and holding something in like that would have probably destroyed before too long. I decided it was best to get it all out in the open and maybe he and I could work through it.
To say that it was awkward after the arrival of Ver would have been the understatement of the century. The tension was so thick, you could have literally cut it with a knife. I know it sounds cliche, but the silence was almost unbearable. I nervously drummed my fingers on my legs, trying to think of a good segue into the conversation. Not really an easy way to jump into a story where you are going to almost make out with another guy though…
“Your awfully quite tonight.”
“Me? Oh ya. I had a long weekend.”
“How was your trip?”
“It was alright. Would have much preferred to be home with you though. How as your weekend?”
“Its funny you should ask.”
“Well… Yes. You see I went to a party with Patina and the gang.”
“And Tiber tried to…well he was a little more friendly than he should have been.”
Ver Froze. He clicked the TV off and turned his attention all the way to me. The room fell even more silent than before.
“He did? And did you?”
“No! I didn’t. I pushed him away. But…”
“Ver I think I still have feelings for him and I don’t know what to do.”
We spent the next couple nights almost completely not speaking. It was obvious what I had said stung, but the truth was the truth! I didn’t see it would have been fair to keep it all bottled up. He had a right to know, and I wanted his help. If he and I could talk it out, maybe just maybe I could move past and leave the whole Tiber thing behind. Right?
Wrong. The truth will not always set you free. Doesn’t mean you should ever lie, just means you better be prepared for an outcome way different than the one you had initially pictured sometimes.
The silence between Ver and I quickly morphed into more ugly arguments and nasty nitpicking. Ver was extremely jealous, and I was unbelievably guilt ridden. This situation was so out of hand, I could barely think straight. Flashes of Tiber ran through my head all day. Why couldn’t he just let me go! I stopped going to the boys apartment all together and barely saw anyone else. We couldn’t even be civil out in public. I knew where this was heading, but it was not until one night out, that everything was set into motion.
“Maybe you want to go see Tiber! I’m sure you will be much happier over there than with me anyways right!”
“Ver! I’m sorry! I don’t know what you want me to do. I did nothing wrong. I am trying to move past these feelings. I just wish I could get a little bit more support.”
“You love someone else?! How am I supposed to support that!”
“I don’t…You know what. You’re right. This is just stupid!”
“Ya!? Well maybe this relationship is stupid!”
“Ohhhhhhhhh. I have had enough! Ver this relationship is over!”
“What? You can’t break up with me!”
“Really? And why should I stay? You cheated on me Ver. I know I said I forgave you, but I just can’t let it go. I feel nothing but anger when I think about it! YOU!! Make me so angry! I am angry all the time! I am not an angry person! I am tired of feeling this way!”
“But Livvy baby please.”
“NO Ver! This is it! You can go sleep with who ever you want now.”
“… What are you going to do? Run back to Tiber? I’m sure he is just dying to see you since he still has a girlfriend.”
“That’s none of your business and I would appreciate if you would just leave me alone!”
“I want you out of my apartment and out of my life!”
“Livvy please don’t do this.”
My tone softened. “Ver you know as well as I do, this is not a healthy relationship. We need to just let it go. Please. I’m begging you, don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”
The heartbroken look on Ver’s face is forever will be forever burned into the back of my mind, but unlike the pain and regret I was expecting to feel, I only felt relief. I sat underneath the stars on those steps for several hours just running over the conversation in my head. It may have been one of the hardest things I had ever had to do, but in the end I knew the decision I had made was the right one. Ver and I were over.
When I arrived home that night, Ver was gone. All traces he had ever lived there were gone with him. Ver would forever be just a memory from that moment on.
I’m not sure if I grew up a little bit more that night, but while I was sitting on those steps, something else hit me. Tiber’s actions were just unacceptable. If he liked me, he needed to come out and say so. This behind the back flirting was just more than I could take. In all honesty, Valentines night was not the first time Tiber had secretly flirted with me. In fact it had happened several other times. Probably one of the reasons I had such a hard time letting go. It was always something so small, it would hardly of been noticeable to anyone else. Which it wasn’t. A brush of the hand on my bare skin here or a pinch or a grab there, the secrecy of it all was very exciting, but it wasn’t what I wanted. Not anymore. I decided that it was time he know how I felt as well.
Since getting him alone was almost impossible, I decided to use the other form of communication available to me. Email. We had written to each other a few times, so I knew it would be a way for us to correspond, I was just unsure how private it would actually turn out to be. In the end I went for it, and I layed it all out on the line. I told him about the mixed signals I was getting and how much a really cared. If he wanted me, I just wanted him to tell me, or if he didn’t I wanted him to tell me that too.
My heart was racing when I finally got up the nerve to press that send key…
I never got reply back.
Ver’s absence was a good and bad thing. Good because it let me get my life back on track, bad because I could no longer afford my place. True to their word, the moment I quit school, my parents support was cut off. Ver and I made ends meet, but now that he was gone, I was dead in the water. Every trip to the mail box became more and more depressing. There was nothing I could do. I tried to get a room mate. Patina had just recently moved in with her new boyfriend and no one else was looking for a place. I had no choice, I was going to have to call my parents.
Did I want help? Or did I just want to go home? Everything in Briocheport was so overwhelming. Maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was to move out on my own. Embarrassment and shame clouded all my thoughts. Was I ready to call them and admit I wasn’t ready to be an adult? Oh how I missed them and the stability that our house always brought. That same feeling I felt every time I went home. This apartment was definitely not a home.
I dialed the phone and swallowed my pride.
“Oh Hi sweetheart! How are you?”
“I’m…Mom I need to talk to you about something.”
“Of course love. What is it?”
“I wanna come home.”
“You mean for a visit?”
“No like really come home.”
“Oh. Well of course love. You know you are always welcome here.”
“Thank you Mom. I love you.”
“I love you too dear. We will see you soon.”
Stepping back onto the ground with all of my belongings in toe made it all real. I was home again. Olivine the failure. Tried to make it on her own, but couldn’t hack it. Even so, that “home” feeling washed over me almost immediately and the other feelings started to dissipate over the next few hours.
I was welcomed with open arms by everyone. It was so nice to see Daddy again. It had been several months since I had seen anyone. I think last time was at Granpy Pummy’s funeral.
“Welcome home sweetheart!”
“Your room is just as it was when you left. Here, let me help you get all of this stuff upstairs.”
After had I gotten all my things squared away in my room, I sat down on the bed. Surveying my old digs and realizing just how different I was. Even though my room was exactly same, I certainly was not. Life was a funny and fickle creature and i had a feeling my new chapter had only just begun.