Affair Chiffon was by the far, the greatest gift, I never asked for. I was nervous at first, and I had this constant worry I would do something wrong, like drop him on his head, or forget him at the grocery store, sitting in a shopping cart. Well I am pleased to announce that none of those things ever happened. He and I got a long famously.
Now I won’t lie and say he was a perfect little angel, because Berry knows he had his moments, but all I could have ever asked for came bundled in his tiny little blanket. The next piece of my life puzzle. The moment I had held him in my arms, I knew that everything in the world happened for a reason. He was my new reason to get up in the morning.
My reason to laugh and smile. The bumble-y, stumble-y little darling, I could proudly call my son. Through my childhood, I never really considered myself the motherly type. I didn’t cuddle my dolls past the age of three, and to the shear disappoint of my dear sisters, I hated playing house.
But Affair made it easy for me. All he had to do was look at me with those beautiful blue eyes, and I knew exactly what he needed.
He may not have been an angel, but to me he was perfect.
“I love you little man.”
“Love oo mummuh”
I think Disco transitioned into parenthood even faster than I did. All you had to do was watch them together for 5 seconds to see just how much they loved each other. Part of their nightly routine was a bath and one chapter chapter from “Hominy Popcorn”. I’m not exactly sure who enjoyed it more.
“Lord Vichyssoise. Hominy watched as everyone in the room shuddered at his name… Can you say Lord Vichyssoise?”
“That was excellent!”
“Heeee. More Daddy. More.”
“Haha Alright, I will try not to interrupt this time, and let you enjoy the story.”
Sometimes, I had a hard time watching them together. Disco was so good with Affair, an exemplary father, and doting boyfriend. So what was holding me back? Why wasn’t I ready to take the plunge? I didn’t know. Every time I thought about the proposal, my tummy flipped under and nauseous guilt washed over me. He was so patient, but how long would he wait? The thought of him leaving crossed my mind a couple times. I tried my best to push the negative thoughts away. When the time was right, it would be right, and he would still be there. I had done a pretty good job of convincing myself, but some nights, I woke in a cold sweat.
Feelings that utterly confused me. If I feared him leaving, why I couldn’t I slip that ring on my finger? I was starting to feel that there was something seriously whacked in my brain.
Thankfully a little time with Affair, and I could feel all of my worry draining away. He really was a little ray of sun on my sometimes dark days. A musician just his grandma, who by the way adored him just as much we did. They seemed to have this bond through their music. All it took was one afternoon of grammy’s piano playing, and Affair wanted to play too. Of course, the piano was a bit too big, so we bought him a xylophone instead. He took to that thing, like a duck to water.
“Hit the red one. Do you know which one is the red one?”
“Close. That is the green one.”
“Very good! Oh you are so smart. Can you hit the red one?”
“Yes! You are going to be a great musician one day. Just like your grammy.”
“How do you do that?”
“How do you know what color is which? I mean, how did you know he hit the green one?”
“Oh, well each color makes a different sound.”
“Yes, but how did you know what color went with what sound?”
“Your gramma use to play with me like this. She taught me music notes by color, because she didn’t know how to read music. It was easier for her that way.”
I shook my head. “You really are amazing, I hope you know that.”
“I know.” *Ring Ring* “Could you get that? It might be your father. He’s late.”
I set down my paints, and headed for the nearest phone. Closest being, Mom and Dad’s room, I slipped inside and headed for Dad’s bedside table. I snatched the receiver from its cradle, and at first, I thought I had missed whoever it was on the other end. The line was dead quiet.
I learned I was mistaken. The earpiece erupted in giggles and screams. “LIL!!!!! EEEEE LIL!”
I pulled the phone from ear, eyes growing wide from the screeching. I waited for the screaming to subside, and then brought the phone back up. “Midna… for some reason I get the feeling you are excited. Not sure what gave it away though, your screaming, or my broken eardrum.”
“I’m sorry Sis! I just have the coolest news ever!!”
“Are you gonna scream again? If you are, warn me please, I would like to keep one eardrum in tact.”
“Same ol Lil. Always over exaggerating. Anyways… Coronation and I…. are pregnant!!!”
“Really?! Gosh that’s amazing!!! Tell him I said congratulations. Wow did he manage that?”
“Very funny. You know what I mean. ANYWAYS! The shower is soon, and it’s going to be his grandma’s house in Fondant fields. And you better be there.”
“Now, how could I miss my own sisters shower?”
“Good. Bring Mom, if she doesn’t still hate me.”
“She doesn’t hate you. We will see you there. OK Bye bye.”
Mom and Midna, had yet to patch things up after her and Coronation’s impromptu wedding, but I knew for a fact, that Mom was not about to miss a shower for one of her own grandchildren. As usual, I was right. The moment, I announced it, she starting floating around the rooms. Telling anyone who would listen, that she was going to have two grand-babies. Since the only people in the house were me, Dad and Disco, we got to hear the story more than a few times.
I was looking forward to the shower, because Mom would have more people to gush with, other than myself. Again, I couldn’t have been more right. The moment we arrived, Pearl (Coronation’s Grandmother) and Mom started beaming over the upcoming birth. They sat on each side of momma Midna while she opened her presents. Midna was relieved to say the least.
All the ladies gathered around the chairs, as Fern and I planted ourselves on the ground. It was easier to keep the kids in line on the grass than it had been in the seats. I had an easy time with Affair that day. He stayed fairly mellow for the duration of the party.
Fern on the other hand, had her work cut out for her. Kiwi Kiss and Laurel Mint, were what you would call a hand full. If one wasn’t trying to squirm out of her lap, then one was tugging at her shirt trying to get in it. I watched how she struggled with them, and I was glad, that I only had one. Twins seemed like way more work. They made Affair look like the angel.
On top of all the wiggles, it seemed that Kiwi had learned a new word. A word she was quite proud of, and made sure that everyone knew, she could say it. Which horrified Fern to no end, because the new word was “fudge.” Every time she pronounced it, a triumphant grin would grow across her face. Unfortunately, after she revealed her word to the Kandy Kane’s, Fern confined her to her lap for the remainder of the party. Kiwi wasn’t very pleased after that.
“Say it again, and I am telling Daddy, as soon as we get home.”
It was so exciting to see Midna looking so happy. She had been feeling pretty bad since she got married. The couple times I went to visit her in Coconut Bay, she always seemed worried. I tried to convince her that Mom wasn’t mad, but for some reason she was convinced she had broken her heart. I swear it took longer for Midna to get over it than Mom.
The party was starting to wind down just about the time Affair needed a change. He started to squirm in my arms. Immediately the smell wafting up from his diaper, alerted me to just what was causing his discomfort. “Whew.” I croaked, waving my hand in front of my nose. “Did you do that?” His unchanging frown, told me he was in no mood to joke. So I headed to the house.
Heading through the kitchen to guest bathroom, I passed Heaven and Saph having a deep debate on how great it was to be a Mom. Heaven said yes, Saph… was less convinced.
Pearl was already working on everyone’s dishes. Which after seeing how immaculate her house was, I was surprised, she had been able to stifle her compulsion for as long as she did.
I had just gotten the yucky diaper diaper changed when he revealed that he was now hungry. I opened the bag. His snack bag had somehow gone missing. “Great.” I scowled into the bag, rifling through a second time and then a third.
“I know love. I know. Let me see if I can find…” *sigh* I knew it wasn’t in there. Gathering Affair back onto my hip, we headed out of the bathroom. “Maybe gramma Pearl has something you can snack on.”
Before I had a chance to ask. Saph stepped right in between me and Pearl. “Soooooooo?” She giggled.
“So how did it go with Disco? You know. I heard he was going to ask you something important.”
Saph was literally grinning from ear to ear. I hated to be the one tell her, but I couldn’t well lie. I looked to Affair, his sweet patient smile, unaware of what I had done to his father. “I said…No.”
Saph’s expression drooped instantly, eerily similar to the way Disco’s had.
“You said no? But…But why?”
“Because… Pearl do you have something I could give him just to tide him over till we get home?”
“Of course dear. Help yourself, we have plenty there in the fridge.”
I threw Saph an apologetic look, as I carried Affair to the dining room. “Sorry I got get him some food.” I said placing Affair in the high chair. Hurrying back to the kitchen, I shoved my face in the fridge. Saph trailing behind all the while. I found a small jar of apple sauce and poured it into bowl I found in the cupboard.
She didn’t say a word until I had set the bowl down in front of Affair. The second he started munching she started unloading. “How could you say no?! I thought you two were happy?”
“We are happy.” I countered.
“But, if your happy. Why didn’t you say yes? I don’t understand.”
“I just wasn’t ready.”
“How more ready can you be?! You have a child together!?”
That was all I was able to say. I know… I didn’t have the words or energy to explain it all again. It had been hard enough trying to explain to Disco. I knew Saph would never understand. I could feel the disappointment in her voice. In a way I felt as if I had failed her. Her sacrifice was all in vain. I wanted to tell her it would happen one day, but I wasn’t so sure, that it ever would.